Sunday, 12 October 2008


The history of the spoon is a wild and varied one, let us start before the beginning..


In the caveman days nobody used spoons because they didn't have anything to eat with spoons, just leg of Wildebeest, and if they wanted to drink some water, they just stuck their head in the nearest lake.
It wasn't until after the invention of FIRE that someone invented STEW by putting vegetables, water and bits of leftover meat into a stone bowl and heating it up a bit. The cavemen thought that this was yummy but was yummier when it was hot, but it burnt their fingers, so one of them got a bit of bark and used it to eat the stew. This was the first spoon, after a while they figured out that a curved bit of bark from a branch could hold more stew and this sufficed for many years until the invention of :
Soup was invented by a tribe of people who had travelled north to Scandinavia. When they first settled their they started making stew, but because it was winter they had few vegetables and even less meat, so one of the more imaginative tribespeople suggested using some of this white stuff that was lying about, so they put lots of snow in the stew and as we all know, snow is really just water, and as we also know, soup is just stew with more water and less meat and vegetables and so SOUP was invented. But when they tribe tried eating it with their curved bark then it spilt everywhere and they were distraught so they prayed to the gods and half an hour later someone found a bit of wood from a tree that had been splintered by lightning, this bit of wood had been attached to a branch and had a depression in it which was ideal for holding a small amount of soup, and the people wee joyous and they all carved these bits of wood and ate soup.
The Bronze Age
these primitive spoons spread throughout the world and many years later when people figured out how to cast metal the first things they made were not axes but spoons that wouldn't leave splinters in your mouth and so the modern spoon was born.

The basic design of spoons has not changed since the bronze age except for the materials used, today steel and plastic are the most common. Although in the same way that all dogs come from wolves, spoons have diversified into many different "breeds", such as the tea spoon the dessert spoon, the wooden spoon, the soup spoon, the ladle, the ice cream scoop, the sieve, and even the exotic Arabian throwing spoon. the most famous spoon of all time is probably the George Washington spoon , which was used by the USA's first president to cross the Delaware because he didn't have any oars. It is now housed in the Smithsonian institute

Spoonish Things

MR SPOON: Popular character from children's TV program button moon, he had wooden spoons for arms and legs, a dashing hat and a space rocket made from a washing up liquid bottle, it took off whenever he pressed the ROUND GREEN BUTTON, he had a greenhouse and made regular trip to button moon,which was a large button.

SPOON MAN: Track from the album Super Unknown by Sound Garden (probably most famous for Black Hole sun, from the same album) lead singer Chris Novaselik once said "Pass me a spoon please"

SPOON HEADS: Nick name for the Cardassians from Star Trek (DS9 in particular) given to them by the Bajoran people because of the spoon like things on their foreheads

Mr Spooner: Lecturer at Oxford or Cambridge who was famous for his "Spoonerisms"because he kept getting words mixed up like
"lets salute our queer dean"
"you have hissed all my mystery lessons and tasted the whole worm"

Wednesday, 12 March 2008

NEW SINS!!!!!!!!!!

I was talking to the pope just there now (bastard owes me money)
and he kept trying to change the subject and gave me a list of 7 new deadly sins, he didn't tell me if they are replacing the old ones or if these are additional sins because I had just nutted him and told him to have the wodge ready by friday or he's getting his knees done

anyway, NEW SINS!!!!!!!!!

1. ``Bioethical' violations such as birth control

2. ``Morally dubious'' experiments such as stem cell research

3. Drug abuse

4. Polluting the environment

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor

6. Excessive wealth

7. Creating poverty

a few points, I'm not sure if I like these new ones, they're not exactly in touch with "the common man" are they? I mean, I've been guilty of all 7 old sins and at this moment am currently guilty of at least 5, but these new ones? Maybe 3 on a busy day. You average punter isn't going to be able to perform "morally dubious" experiments are they?

other points, what right does a celibate man have to tell people not to practice birth control? surely celibacy is the ULTIMATE birth control?

aren't 5,6 and 7 more or less the same thing?

excessive wealth is a sin? this coming from a man who lives in a gold fucking house?

what exactly constitutes drug "abuse" ? what about tobacco and booze? communion wine?

anyways, what would you chose to be new sins for the new millenium?

I'd nominate "phoning call centres while on speaker phone" "adverts that pretend to have real people but they're actually actors" and "being a stupid wanker"